(no subject)
Apple
chelonianmobile
He sunk his teeth into her neck like the titanic

Um, yeah.

(no subject)
Arisu
chelonianmobile
Vague references to disturbing sex scenes and surgical horror.Collapse )

(no subject)
NMBCJ
chelonianmobile
Cracked's writer Seanbaby comes out with a few zingers (I'm stealing the list from Christina H's article here:

"He was a nerd in every direction. He moved like space squids hollowed out a sex offender and were drunk driving him."

"She claims to be a supermodel and an actress, but she looks like someone tried to recreate their grandmother out of Turtle Wax and she's in fewer movies than Bigfoot."

"If the Special Olympics had a comedy writing event, this would be the only entry that didn't win a hug. John M. Byrne is so tragic that breast cancer walks to end him."

(no subject)
NMBCJ
chelonianmobile
http://doublemoth.tumblr.com/post/52210086932/wasabi-and-pixie-sticks-a-tale-of-bravery
"Ted was a rather opportunistic individual. He never passed up a chance to cut up, or a chance to stick out like a sore thumb in a sea of predatory hammers. Having a teacher leave while Ted was sitting in their classroom was like slapping a tiger with a tuna fish."
"He made the most garish show of it. Groaning and flailing, hacking like a cancer patient and slapping at his face. Like a seal with emphysema."
"After about half a minute, their desks looked like coke-addicted Care Bears had settled in for a night of debauchery and regrettable decisions among the clouds."

(no subject)
HFGamzee
chelonianmobile
Homestuck High (not worksafe):

"I lust johnatan NOT YOU!" she eviscerated softly wilst she cries the velvit tears odf the mennopauses that climacate from the ruens of the reched pedimeants of life. "HE IS CUMMING FOR ME"

"No Rosa..." Sollux abatemented and he toke of his glasses to reveal the eyes of a worm lordess who crathed the fleash of the billium rectations of lacing china silk and his sockets were emptyed with aluminiem tissues made from the pancreus of god, "HE HAS SEXUAL INTERCURSE WITH GAMHEE AND TAVROS IN THE MOUNTAIN." he came.

Rose started to crey the tears of raen that fals on venus only no raen ever gos their becuz theres no warter but they were filed with the love of volcanic explshions and exploitees.

(no subject)
HFGamzee
chelonianmobile
"I read like a fish."

(no subject)
Arisu
chelonianmobile
NSFW: Dan Savage's ill-advised but entertaining description of female reproductive organs.Collapse )

just like that
Gary Oldman: Cutie
eve_n_furter
I was reading happily along, ignoring the occasional spelling error and general "it doesn't work like that", like I usually do when reading fairly interesting smut. But then...
NSFW w/DNWCollapse )

;_;

(no subject)
Arisu
chelonianmobile
On bad music in an adult movie (link is hells of not work safe but funny): "Added to the arthouse pseudojazz was a neotribal blend of animal sounds and women moaning. It was somewhat akin to watching a tiger drown in sugar syrup, but somehow less entertaining."

(no subject)
HFGamzee
chelonianmobile
Via wtffanfiction.com: "It was like being flayed alive, but in a good way."

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